fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
