ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
