***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it because I queefed?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
