There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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