It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
