she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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