So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
