Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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