Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
