i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
