dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
