He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
