I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i will never coherently bang her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
