we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
