if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
