dude i'm inner monologue high
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
