I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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