He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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