Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
