just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
