Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
