she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Semen is not good for contacts.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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