They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
