If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
