He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
