i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
