Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just pee around me
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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