you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
