In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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