i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
