I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
