My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
