So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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