I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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