Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
