This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i think i just lost a toe
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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