A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
