I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
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