I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
