Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
