So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
