East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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