quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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