okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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