obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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