I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize