She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
