We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
