i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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