The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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