Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
