I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
