This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
