He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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