I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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