Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
