I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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