you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
